I John 3:16

I John 3:16 "This is how we know what love is, that He laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for others."

I know I haven't written on here in a while-(well a week, but for me that is a while) but I have been learning so much! In talking to my friend tonight, I was shown so much. One thing that really stuck out is something that I have known, but not really known. Apart from Christ, there is no real love. I know that this may seem absurd, but it is the truth. For the past month or so the Lord has really been laying it on my heart to apologize to Matt, my ex-boyfriend. I have been wanting to apologize for not loving him. For three and a half years I claimed to be his best friend and to love him. My friend didn't come out and say that apart from Christ there is no love, but that is what the Lord showed me through our conversation. I had to call Matt tonight and tell him how sorry I am. I mean, three and a half years! That is a long time to tell somebody, and yourself, that you love them. When I told him how sorry I was, he was telling me that he forgives me and it's okay and that he still loves me as a person. It hit me so hard when he said that. I had to explain to him, even though it was so hard to say, but i never really loved him; I couldn't have. We didn't have a Christ-centered relationship and to be without Christ is to be without love. It all makes so much sense to me now, but I couldn't see that before. Another thing that the Lord showed me through my conversation with Matt was that apart from the Lord, I can easily do it again. It terrifies me to think that I could go and hurt somebody else the same way I hurt him. He started telling me that I couldn't do that again because I always care about other people before myself. Well, little does he know (I don't see how he doesn't know this) but I am so self-centered. I can very easily do this all over again. If I take my eyes off of the Lord, I could do it again and maybe even worse! It's by the grace of God that I am able to refrain from sinning as much as I could be, and without Him, I am just as capable as doing something horrific as any other person in this world. I was more than able to do it to Matt, and I see now that I did it because I wasn't seeking the Lord first. I wasn't centering my life around Him and I was selfish and hurt him in a way that I never thought that I could.

I really needed this little lesson tonight. I was talking to a friend about wanting to be pursued by a guy that I like. Yea, I want to be pursued by him, especially since I know that he likes me, but if he isn't ready spiritually to pursue somebody, then I shouldn't want to be pursued by him. I should be at peace and be overjoyed that the Lord is telling him not to pursue me because that means that he is centering his life around Christ. If he can't do that, then I shouldn't want to be with him, and the same goes the other way too. If I am not centering my life around Christ, Lord willing, I will have the knowledge to stay away from a relationship because then I won't be loving that other person. Friends are great. It is such a blessing to have so many brothers and sisters in Christ to help us keep our eyes on the Lord. We should only put our hope in Him because everything else in life will fail miserably.

Broken Love

I was talking to a buddy of mine today about love. He was telling me how his little sister is only 13 and she is falling in "love" left and right. I don't know the extent to her boy craze, but it sure does bring me back to when I was her age. When I was that age every guy I "dated" was the guy for me; or so I thought. It is so funny, yet sad, to look back and remember how in "love" I was with these boys. I was convinced of my love. Now that I am older and am an expert at love, (HA! NOT REALLY) I see how little I did know. When I look at love even today, I see how little I know. Yes, I know a little bit more than I did back then, but recently I got out of a three and half year relationship with somebody. The more that I look at God's love, I see how little I loved this guy. It breaks my heart to know that I was in a relationship with him for so long and called him my best friend yet didn't love him as a sister in Christ. I thought that I was loving him and pointing out his sin, but when I think about it, I wasn't loving him, I was loving myself. Yea I pointed out his sin, but only to make me happy. If something annoyed me, of course I am going to point it out. It's so hard to remember that first you must die to your own sin and love others before yourself. I shouldn't have been pointing out his sin for my gratification, but so that he may grow in his relationship with the Lord. I try my hardest to love people around me, and no matter how hard I try, it is still broken love that is pale in comparison to God's love for us. The only way that I can learn how to love others is by looking at God's love for us in sacrificing His one and only son. Am I really ready to sacrifice what is most precious to me for somebody else? I am still learning much about love and I know that I will continue to learn until I am brought home some day. Please pray for me to have a thirst for God and a thirst to be Christ-like in my day-to-day life.

Love is a Funny Thing

"How can it be that in the post information age, in the era of the technological revolution, we still need something as primitive as love? No matter how many times we fail at love or how many times love fails us, we plow ahead. Even the scars of love rarely stop us from risking at love."

"When you give up on love, everything else seems to go with it- joy, hope, forgiveness, compassion, they're all interconnected."

"We are created to know God and to know love. It is love that moves God toward us and love that pulls us towards him. Follow love and it will guide you to God."

Soul Cravings:Erwin Raphael McManus

Here are some quotes form this book that I have been reading. I am just now getting into it and it seems pretty good so far. McManus is good at pointing out things that our souls all crave. The frist part is about love-there will be more to come!

Blessed Be Your Name

I just listened to this song-it's great, so I thought that I would post it!

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Thought there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

What Wondrous Love

I Corinthians 13:4-7 4)Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5)It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. 6)Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7)It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Somebody told me that you should be able to insert your name into all of these. Hah, I'm in trouble. "Alice is patient....FAILED! Alice is kind....FAILED! Alice is does not envy....FAILED! Alice does not boast...FAILED! Alice is not proud...." Well, you get the point; I can't honestly insert my name into these verses and it be true. I may be these things some of the time, but most certainly not all the time. Come to think of it, I think it's safe to say that non of us are all of these all the time. That's what is so amazing about Jesus. You can not only put His name in all of these, but 100% of the time it is true. WOW! That would be hard. He was so perfect, and we threw Him up on the cross, and He still loved us. I was listening to the song What Wondrous Love is This and it really hit me how wondrous His love really is.


1. What wondrous love is this,
O my soul, O my soul!
What wondrous love is this, O my soul!

What wondrous love is this
that caused the Lord of bliss
To bear the dreadful curse
for my soul, for my soul,
To bear the dreadful curse for my soul.

2. When I was sinking down,
sinking down, sinking down,
When I was sinking down, sinking down,
When I was sinking down
beneath God’s righteous frown,
Christ laid aside His crown
for my soul, for my soul,
Christ laid aside His crown for my soul.

3. To God and to the Lamb,
I will sing, I will sing;
To God and to the Lamb I will sing.
To God and to the Lamb
Who is the great “I Am”;
While millions join the theme,
I will sing, I will sing;
While millions join the theme, I will sing.

4. And when from death I’m free,
I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on;
And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on.
And when from death I’m free,
I’ll sing and joyful be,
And through eternity
I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on,
And through eternity I’ll sing on.

I love how the first verse talks about how the Lord sent down His only son, perfect as He can be to take on our sin. He was the bearer of this dreadful curse. Why? Well, I am guessing it's not because he hates us, but because He loves us. After this day, He holds no records of wrongs against us. How amazing is that! We mess up over and over, and He forgives us over and over.
Then in verse two He has laid down His crown for us. He laid down His crown. He has everything perfect on God's right hand, yet He humbled himself and came to live here on earth with us, just to grow up to be mocked and then killed. He saw that we needed His help. The only way that this could be taken care of was with a perfect sacrifice so He left His thrown above to be that perfect Lamb. Verse three tells us exactly what we oughtt o do. Sing praises to our God and King! He gave up everything for our sins! He is the perfect example of sacrificial love. He gave up everything, was patient with us, and still forgave our sins. Even though we were still sinning while He was on the cross, He went through with it. How could you not praise Him? The only way I could fathom not being able to praise Him is if He didn't conquer death, but He did. Verse four caries the songs of praise on because we have been promised eternal life through Him conquering death. It isn't even something that we have done yet we still reap all of the benefits! For the rest of eternity we will never really know death because He loves us and died for our sins conquering not only death but sin. I know that I am rambling on, but I just find it so amazing that the maker of the universe could possibly love somebody like me, somebody that is a perpetual mess-up. That really shows His patience!

Another thing that is so awesome is the way that He came to earth and the way He left. Most kings, you know them when you see them; not this one. He lived such a humble life. It's not like one day God told Him, "Son, I am letting you go to earth for a while so you can have fun and play with the other little humans running around down there. It will be a grand old time and I will give you so many riches so that you will never suffer." That would have been nice. Instead He left so much to come and have nothing so that He could grow up and then be killed in the most humiliating way possible. Something tells me that He wasn't doing this for himself, but for us. I am going to take a stab at this and say that He wanted us to know what a loving God He really is and to show us just how far He would go to save His precious children. I know I have fallen in love with Him for this, I pray that this is attractive to you too.

Proverbs 3:3

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."

Proverbs 3:3

Nothing Without Love

I Corinthians 1-3: 1)And now I will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I am a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2)If I have the gift of prophesy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3)If I give all I posses to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Every time I clean the house from top to bottom, I always make sure my mom knows. If she doesn't notice right away, I will point stuff out "nonchalantly". I will bring her to the kitchen if she doesn't go right in when she gets home. I feel so proud because I have done something good. The funny thing is, I am not doing it for my mom, but for my own self-gratification. I should be doing it out of love for my mom and really wanting to serve her. It is always so easy to do thing for "other people" and really be doing it for yourself. I find myself doing this kind of thing all the time. The thing is, it doesn't mean nearly as much to the person unless you are really doing it for them. It's like getting a gift from somebody in your family that only got it for you so that they could somehow benefit from it. They act as if they are loving you by getting it for you, but they really aren't. How fun is that? All of the things that we do are pointless unless they are done out of love. All of the gifts that we give aren't good unless they are given out of love. We can do so many good things and help so many people out in our lifetime, but unless we do it unto the Lord and are really loving people through our actions, they are meaningless. I know that I have to really think about this and challenge myself to really love others in my daily life. I often persuade myself that I am doing something for somebody else and I am sacrificing much for them when in all reality, I am not. Each time you do something for somebody else, I challenge you to consider whether you are doing it out of love or selfishness. I know I love being praised by my mom when I clean the house so do you think I am really cleaning the house because I love her, or because I love being praised. Sad, I know, but that is my sinful nature. Thankfully I sever a God that is forgiving and looks past that!

True Love

I Corinthians 13:
1)And now I will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I am a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2)If I have the gift of prophesy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3)If I give all I posses to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4)Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5)It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. 6)Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7)It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8)Love never fails. But where there are prophesies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9)For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10)but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11)When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12)Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13)And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

This chapter has so much truth in it. All of the verses run together but I am going to break them up into several posts and then rap it up in a final one. I encourage you to really dive into this passage and ponder on what these words mean. They mean one thing to me right now but that is the beauty of a living Word; the same words can mean so many different things in different peoples lives at different times.

Random happenings

Yesterday was full of random happenings for me. I was able tot alk to several people that I haven't talked to in years and it was so encouraging. First, a good friend form my past IMed me and we were able to talk about her life. We weren't able to talk much because she had to feed her three week old baby boy. I used to spend every day with her and when she moved back to Henderson, I hadn't talked to her since. The Lord had really put her in my mind and on my heart to be praying for her, and I got the IM. It was so nice to talk to her and catch up with everything going on. Please keep her in your prayers; a new baby is a huge blessing but can still be hard. A little while later I got an IM from a guy whose brother I had dated some time ago. I had randomly popped into this guy's head and he wanted to see how I was doing. It was such an encouragement to me to hear that he had been thinking of me because he was glad when I was in his brother's life. Though it wasn't for long that we dated, I apparently stood out. I just pray that I will be able to continue to be an encouragement in his life and show them God's love. Not too long after that I saw that a person I hadn't talked to in even a longer time was online. I met him back in middle school on a youth trip to Florida. We ended up talking for so long and were able to share with each other about how good God is. It was awesome to be able to share with somebody that I hadn't talked to in so long and hear how God is working. I started reading his blog and the Lord showed me even more. His name is Jakob and I have his blog as a link on mine. I strongly encourage you to read over this blog too. I know that I have so many blogs that I say are good, but this one is just as good as the others. He paints such a beautiful picture of how amazing God's love is. He talks about how we are all created with this longing for something to fill this void in our lives. Jakob does such a good job at reminding us that no other person or thing can fill this void, only God can. He also talks about how we are meant to be in relationships. Relationships are so important and I have been learning that recently. We are so blessed to have other brothers and sisters in Christ to help point our eyes back on our Maker. I am so glad that I was able to talk to him last night and read his blog; the Lord blessed me through it and I am certain the He will do the same for you.

Blue Like Jazz

I just got finished reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I thought about putting some quotes from that book in my blog, but then I realized that I would be quoting page after page-so go read the book for yourself if you haven't already read it. I strongly recommend it for both believers and non-believers.

The Facts of Sin

Sin sucks. That's all there is to it. We all wish that we could stop sinning and we all wish that others wouldn't sin against us. Thinking about all that has been going on in the past few days in Lexington makes me want to cry. I know that everything will get worse before it gets better, but it is so hard to watch sin affect everything. Two girls were raped while walking through a parking lot two nights ago. It is easy to run through all of the typical questions: Why did this happen? Why two girls and not just one? What were they thinking? Did they have it coming because they were scantily clad and drunk? Why did it have to happen to them? What kind of girls were they? Did they know you Lord? When will you show them your mercy and compassion? Will they be able to look back one day and praise you for this happening because it taught them so much? Rape is such an ugly sin. Though all sins are ugly, rape is something that cuts so deep in a female. She is not only physically destroyed but mentally and emotionally destroyed. People often ask how and why we could ever love a God that allows such things to happen. The fact is, He doesn't want this to happen. But he allows it to happen to teach us. Though that seems unfathomable, it's true. There have been numerous times that I have felt the effects of sin and been very very hurt. I look back and I see how gracious God has been to me in showing me more about myself and more importantly, He has shown me more about Himself. There are also times when I look back on times when I have no clue why something has happened. In times like this it is hardest to see God's reasoning behind allowing something bad to happen to us. Though we may not understand, we need to put our all in Him and have faith that He allowed it to happen for a reason, and He loves us and will work everything out for the best. In the situation with these two young females the other night, God may use them in amazing ways to help other girls that have gone through the same thing with coping and turning it around to give God glory. No matter what the sin or the situation, God is in control. Yes, He may have allowed it, but there is a reason.

We also have to look at how sin affects EVERYTHING. How does sin play a role in natural disasters and other areas in life where it simply doesn't make any sense? Well, when the fall of man occurred in Genesis, we are told that sin has affected everything. Yes, it's ugly, and it hurts, but those are the facts of sin. We are brought back to the fact that we have to put our trust in the Lord and have Faith that it happened for a reason. Though we may never understand why He could do such a thing, we have to understand that we are His children and He loves us. With this said, He will take care of us, and when something bad happens, it has to be for a good reason.

Last night Robert Cunningham, the youth and college minister at TCPC was talking about this. The Lord realy used him to portray this so clearly and I encourage everybody to check out his sermon on this. You can find it here, if it isn't up yet, keep checking back! : http://www.tcpcstudents.com/GenericPage/DisplayPage.aspx?guid=0D587E08-6292-44EB-96AC-8A9C5619DC74
"The Angry God" By Robert Cunningham

Hallelujah!

"Hallelujah" By:Bethany Dillon

Who can hold the stars
And my weary heart?
Who can see everything?
I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean
Or do anything
But it's when you hold me
That I start unfolding
And all I can say is hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

The same sun that
Rises over castle
And welcomes the day
Spills over buildings
Into the streets
Where orphans play

And only you can see the good
In broken things
You took my heart of stone
And you made it home
And set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

AMEN! This is such a good song and is an encouragement to sing praises even in the worst of times.

Psalm 16:11

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forever more."

This morning in my church's College Class at the very end the guy speaking brought up this verse. It hit me so hard and will stick with me for years to come. It is so good to hear and would behoove me to hear every day for the rest of my life. As you know, I struggle with really knowing that all I need is God. I know it in my head, but it is hard for me to really know it in my heart and base my life on it. It seems so simple to say: "Well, duh! All you need to do is stay in the Word and be like Christ. Put your all in Him and everything will unfold in His time. Everything that will ever happen is in His hands so just relax and enjoy Him!" Ha, I wish it were that easy. I can't tell you how many times I have told people to put everything in the Lords hands and everything will work out perfectly, just as He wants it to. It's sad that I can tell so many people that but for some reason I don't even do it. I have mentioned several times in various other posts that my biggest struggle is trying to find my identity in relationships. I want to be liked. I want for people to look at me and enjoy being around me. I know in my head that all I have to do for that to happen is to love the Lord and give Him glory and it will happen. My problem is that I tend to forget about that. I find myself wondering what is wrong with me and why I don't have guys flocking to me. Sounds funny, I know-and it is very embarrassing for me to admit this, but this is me and my sin. If I try to hide it, then I won't be giving God glory in showing His great love, mercy, grace, and so forth. When I am honest with myself, I realize just how filthy my rags are that I always try to present to people and worst of all, God. I love the Lord with all my heart, and I want to bring Him glory in ALL that I do. That's just the thing though. If I am to bring HIM the glory, I have got to take my mind off of myself and start thinking about how I can show His glory and all good that He is. I am trying too hard to show everybody my "glory" and all of the "good" that I am. That's funny, because I am far from anything that is presentable. As I am writing this I am realizing that it is only through God's grace that I am able to interact with others. If this is so, then I ought to be bringing Him glory. When something good happens, we ought not praise the good thing, but the Maker who gave us whatever it is. We don't worship the created but the Creator. Wow, writing this out has helped me and I pray that it helps somebody else. I know that it isn't through my words, but through the Holy Spirit working in whomever and showing them who He is. I pray that through my ugly sin, the Lord will be able to show you something that is amazing. I pray that He will show you more about Himself.

Christ centered

This past month the Lord has blessed me so much. It all started with my friend Megan. I am finally learning the meaning of having a "Christ centered" relationship. Growing up the only time I really ever heard about having a Christ centered relationship was when a boy was involved. I see now that it is not only important to have a Christ centered relationship with whom ever you might be dating, but in any relationship that you are ever in. I thought that I knew what that meant, but now I see that I didn't. I was far from that. Recently the Lord has put several people in my life that have shown me what that term really means. I have been blessed with friends that no matter what the occasion, the conversation can easily be turned to the Lord. We are able to really bring Him glory in all that we do. When I hang out with these people, I know that I can share my sin with them, and I know that they will be praying with and for me. It has been so awesome to be able to talk to other brothers and sisters in Christ about books and verses that are good, what the Lord has been showing us, and how He has been breaking our sinful hearts and filling us up with Him. I love talking about my faith and I am eternally grateful for so many people to share my journey in life and strive towards the ultimate goal with.

A random fact about me

For those of you who don't know me as well, I love Physical Therapy. I think that how God designed our bodies is so fascinating! I love how there are so many intricate details that all work together in an amazing way. I added some new links to my Interesting Sites; to some they may be gruesome and they may not understand why I would add a site like that. On the other hand, to me and some other people it is one of the most fascinating things ever! So if you're interested in God's greatest creation check out those sites! But I must warn you, they are real pictures and videos from a Gross Anatomy class-pretty graphic.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

"He has made everything beautiful in its time"

This may be a simple verse, but it is a very important verse. This verse has been such an encouragement to me in so many different situations and I know it will continue to be used in my life for many years to come. Everything happens when the Lord ordains it to happen. It is so hard to not worry about what the following days are going to bring us, but we all worry about it to some extent. God has each and every day planned out for us before we were even brought into being. We ought not worry about when something will happen because He has made everything beautiful in its time.

All I need

One thing that I have always struggled with is knowing that the only thing I really need is the Lord. I always try to find love in the wrong places and try to get my confidence and satisfaction through relationships. It is embarrassing to admit this, but this is me and it is a struggle. I know for a fact that this is a struggle with many females because we love to be loved. I welcome anybody that is reading this to pray for me on this subject matter. I always need prayer and I would greatly appreciate it. The Lord has been so good to me recently to help me be at peace with being single and it has been awesome. Though I am doing better than I ever have been, there is still a need for prayer that I will continually focus my eyes on the Lord and realize that He is all I need. These lyrics by Bethany Dillon are awesome and a great encouragement to me. I pray that they are an encouragement to you and help you realize that you don't need anything but the Lord to fill you up.

"All I Need"
When the day is done
And there's no one else around
While I'm lying here in bed
You're in my heart, You're in my head
You're all I need, You're all I need
There are a million voices
Calling out my name
But You're the One I want to hear
So make the others disappear

You are all I need when I'm surrounded
You are all I need if I'm by myself
You fill me when I'm empty
There is nothing else
You're all I need

When the morning comes
And Your mercy is renewed
There's a fire in my bones
I'm not afraid to go alone
You're all I need
You're all I need
The sun on my face
I hear You whisper loud
You're still the God that opens seas
Every flower, even me
You're all I need
You're all I need

I'm drawn to everything that You do
Nothing compares with You

James 1:2-4

"I believe that when we go through a trial which wounds us deeply, God can use it to teach us valuable lessons. Some of those lessons are a deeper understanding of who He is, of who we are, and of what we truly believe."

Your Scars are Beautiful to God:Sharon Jaynes

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith developes perseverance. Perseverance must finish it work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:2-4

Revelation 12:11

"In Revelation 12:11, John writes, "They overcame him [Satan] by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony." Incredible power is released when we drop the chains of bitterness, fear, and shame to show the world our scars. Because Satan knows that our stories are instrumental in his ultimate defeat, he will do anything and everything to convince us to keep the treasures hidden away. Oh, dear one, God is calling us to not be ashamed of our scars, for it is by those very scars that others will recognize the Savior, Jesus Christ."

Your Scars are Beautiful to God: Sharon Jaynes

Your Scars are Beautiful to God

One of the books that I am reading right now has been such an encouragement to me given the past 6 or seven months of my life. This book is an encouragement for me regardless if I had been through what I haver or not. Your Scars are Beautiful to God by Sharon Jaynes has helped me to remember that the Lord loves me even though I have messed up numerous times. There are many passages from her her book that I would like to share; because there are so many, I will break them into several posts so that it isn't an overwhelming read. She is so good at pointing out that even though we mess up over and over again, the Lord is our father and He loves us more than we could ever imagine. We may be wounded many times throughout our lives but the point is, the Lord heals us. The wounds turn to scars that are used as tools in His marvelous plan to bring not only our eyes, but the eyes of many back to Him. Every scar has a story-tell people that story and how the Lord has taught you through it; bring glory to our God.

My story

Growing up in a Christian home I went to church every Sunday. My parents love the Lord and have been such an example to me throughout my life. I went to a small classical Christian school from pre-school all the way through 7th grade. I wanted out so bad! I am the youngest of four and my older siblings left the school when they got to high school. I had one more year and I would be free! Well, the Lord answered my prayers and I went to a public school one year earlier than my older brother and sister. My 8th grade year I went to a public school because we could no longer afford the other. At first I was the goody-to-shoo that did all of her homework, respected the teachers, didn't cuss, or do anything wrong. Wow, little did they know! I was a sinner all right, just not as openly. as the months went by in my knew school I began to open up more and succumb to all of the pressures around me to live in the world. I began to lie to my parents about where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing. I stopped caring about my grades and started disrespecting my authorities. I knew I was in the wrong so I prayed and prayed that the Lord would stop me because I knew that I didn't have the courage or strength to stop on my own. Well, the day came when the Lord stopped me all right! Oh it hurt, and it hurt bad. I was grounded for quite some time and worst of all, I lost my parents trust. Thankfully, the Lord allowed me to see that though I was hurting at the time, it was for the best and I knew that He was in control and it was all for a reason. Freshman year in high school I was still in a public school, but I had gotten all of my "wild curiosity" out. I am so glad that we couldn't afford for me to go to the Christian school in 8th grade because I was able to get all of that out of me before I was in a much bigger situation. In high school I would have had much more freedom and the ability to get into much more trouble. The Lord really had His hand in that situation!

Another thing that was a big struggle for me was the fact hat I was boy crazy. I was looking for "love" in all of the wrong places. Heck yea guys gave me attention in 8th grade-but not the attention that I should have been happy with. I was just happy that somebody liked me. They got me in much trouble with my parents as well when I was caught, so after that, I was finished. I was going to go to high school and not even think about having a boyfriend. For a while I did just fine with that! I had a couple crushed here and there, but nothing serious. Well, the summer after my freshman year, somebody came into my life that was a huge blessing. Matt was my best friend and I always had so much fun hanging out with him and my two other best friends Blakely and Jennifer. Blakely and Jenifer both moved so now it was just me and Matt. Before the summer's end Matt and I had started dating. We became even closer and spending more and more time together. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was not loving him very well. We dated for 3 1/2 years and I rarely loved him as a sister in Christ. I struggled with so many things thats bled into his life and cause both of us to idolize each other and caused our eyes to stray from the Lord. Don't get me wrong, I cared for him greatly and I have learned so much through our relationship. I will never look back on those 3 1/2 years and wonder why I wasted them. They were not wasted in the least bit. I know that the Lord taught me, and continues to teach me things from that relationship and I only pray that I was used as a tool in his life as well.

When our relationship came to an end, it was hard, but I knew that it was for the best. I thought that I was ready for another relationship, but boy I was wrong! I had met this guy that loved the Lord, but I just wasn't at complete peace with this. Another friend of mine opened up to me about his past relationship and how he felt after that one ended. We talked for some time and the Lord used him to point out that I really was not ready to be in a relationship. (By the way, I am writing this now as if it were some long time ago, but it wasn't at all. This part of the story unfolded only 3 weeks ago.) The guy that I was talking to lived in Memphis and I was supposed to go visit him in less than two weeks. The talk with my friend was on a Monday night and I was planning on leaving the following Tuesday. My friend lovingly told me that I was not loving the guy at all by going down there and making him think that I was ready for a relationship, when I knew that I wasn't. I wasn't going to be able to love this guy to the best of my ability as a sister in Christ. It wasn't going to be fare to him or me if I went do there. Days went by and I still hadn't talked to the guy about me not coming. I was terrified! Who wants to tell somebody that you aren't ready to be in a relationship and that you aren't coming to visit them when you have been planning this for over a month now. He had told all of his friends and his family and everybody was expecting me. I prayed and prayed for the Lord to open a door for me to talk to him. I had no clue how to even start the conversation. It was now Thursday and I had just scheduled surgery for July 11, and was still going to Memphis on June 26. The day was getting closer and closer but I hadn't talked to him much and I hadn't been able to bring it up. Friday morning comes and I had told my boss that I was still planning on going to Memphis so I wouldn't be in that following week. I was still going to Memphis, but I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. What was I thinking?!?! I had to tell him! Well, I randomly checked my phone and saw that I had a missed call from my doctor's office. I called back and the lady told me that there was a cancellation and wanted to know if I would like to move my surgery up to June 27. WOW! This was definitely the Lord telling me that I shouldn't be in Memphis. I went ahead and changed the date of my surgery and now all I had to do was tell the guy that I wasn't coming. This was the perfect opportunity for me to tell him that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I was able to tell him of how the Lord answered my prayers. I was able to let him know that I was so glad that my surgery was moved up because without this divine intervention, I wouldn't have had the strength to say no to going to Memphis. The Lord is so good and now I am at a place in my life where I am at peace at being single. I for so long I have struggled with getting my acceptance from guys. I want to be loved and I want to have somebody that cares for me. I now see that I have that. I always have. The Lord loves me as his own child and he will never leave my side. He loves me more than anybody ever could. He is the one that can and will fulfill my needs. I would love to say that I have it completely together, but the truth is, I still do struggle. I know that I am going to continue to struggle with this, but thankfully, the Lord has taken my burden and is carrying me through my daily struggles.

God can use even me!

For the past several months I have been reading the blogs of two people that are an enormous encouragement in my life. Those people are my older brother Thomas and my best friend Megan. Though they may not realize it, the Lord has been using them in my life in so many ways. Yesterday I was reading Megan's Blog and I just burst into tears. I read an entry about how sovereign God really is. This is one of the things the Lord has been showing me through various other people and little blessings that pass through my life. Sometimes the ways they are shown to me are good, and sometimes they are bad. Regardless of it being good or bad, I consider it to be one of many blessings from above. I decided to name my blog Blessings From Above because of this very thing. I have been wanting to start a blog for some time now and because of the Lord using Thomas and Megan, I am finally doing it! God has blessed me with so much throughout the course of my life and I wanted to share it. Though I may feel like nobody will ever read this or that it might not mean a thing to anybody that does happen to read, I know that I am wrong. I may not be all that great, but God is and He can and will use whatever He pleases to work in the lives of many.