My story

Growing up in a Christian home I went to church every Sunday. My parents love the Lord and have been such an example to me throughout my life. I went to a small classical Christian school from pre-school all the way through 7th grade. I wanted out so bad! I am the youngest of four and my older siblings left the school when they got to high school. I had one more year and I would be free! Well, the Lord answered my prayers and I went to a public school one year earlier than my older brother and sister. My 8th grade year I went to a public school because we could no longer afford the other. At first I was the goody-to-shoo that did all of her homework, respected the teachers, didn't cuss, or do anything wrong. Wow, little did they know! I was a sinner all right, just not as openly. as the months went by in my knew school I began to open up more and succumb to all of the pressures around me to live in the world. I began to lie to my parents about where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing. I stopped caring about my grades and started disrespecting my authorities. I knew I was in the wrong so I prayed and prayed that the Lord would stop me because I knew that I didn't have the courage or strength to stop on my own. Well, the day came when the Lord stopped me all right! Oh it hurt, and it hurt bad. I was grounded for quite some time and worst of all, I lost my parents trust. Thankfully, the Lord allowed me to see that though I was hurting at the time, it was for the best and I knew that He was in control and it was all for a reason. Freshman year in high school I was still in a public school, but I had gotten all of my "wild curiosity" out. I am so glad that we couldn't afford for me to go to the Christian school in 8th grade because I was able to get all of that out of me before I was in a much bigger situation. In high school I would have had much more freedom and the ability to get into much more trouble. The Lord really had His hand in that situation!

Another thing that was a big struggle for me was the fact hat I was boy crazy. I was looking for "love" in all of the wrong places. Heck yea guys gave me attention in 8th grade-but not the attention that I should have been happy with. I was just happy that somebody liked me. They got me in much trouble with my parents as well when I was caught, so after that, I was finished. I was going to go to high school and not even think about having a boyfriend. For a while I did just fine with that! I had a couple crushed here and there, but nothing serious. Well, the summer after my freshman year, somebody came into my life that was a huge blessing. Matt was my best friend and I always had so much fun hanging out with him and my two other best friends Blakely and Jennifer. Blakely and Jenifer both moved so now it was just me and Matt. Before the summer's end Matt and I had started dating. We became even closer and spending more and more time together. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was not loving him very well. We dated for 3 1/2 years and I rarely loved him as a sister in Christ. I struggled with so many things thats bled into his life and cause both of us to idolize each other and caused our eyes to stray from the Lord. Don't get me wrong, I cared for him greatly and I have learned so much through our relationship. I will never look back on those 3 1/2 years and wonder why I wasted them. They were not wasted in the least bit. I know that the Lord taught me, and continues to teach me things from that relationship and I only pray that I was used as a tool in his life as well.

When our relationship came to an end, it was hard, but I knew that it was for the best. I thought that I was ready for another relationship, but boy I was wrong! I had met this guy that loved the Lord, but I just wasn't at complete peace with this. Another friend of mine opened up to me about his past relationship and how he felt after that one ended. We talked for some time and the Lord used him to point out that I really was not ready to be in a relationship. (By the way, I am writing this now as if it were some long time ago, but it wasn't at all. This part of the story unfolded only 3 weeks ago.) The guy that I was talking to lived in Memphis and I was supposed to go visit him in less than two weeks. The talk with my friend was on a Monday night and I was planning on leaving the following Tuesday. My friend lovingly told me that I was not loving the guy at all by going down there and making him think that I was ready for a relationship, when I knew that I wasn't. I wasn't going to be able to love this guy to the best of my ability as a sister in Christ. It wasn't going to be fare to him or me if I went do there. Days went by and I still hadn't talked to the guy about me not coming. I was terrified! Who wants to tell somebody that you aren't ready to be in a relationship and that you aren't coming to visit them when you have been planning this for over a month now. He had told all of his friends and his family and everybody was expecting me. I prayed and prayed for the Lord to open a door for me to talk to him. I had no clue how to even start the conversation. It was now Thursday and I had just scheduled surgery for July 11, and was still going to Memphis on June 26. The day was getting closer and closer but I hadn't talked to him much and I hadn't been able to bring it up. Friday morning comes and I had told my boss that I was still planning on going to Memphis so I wouldn't be in that following week. I was still going to Memphis, but I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. What was I thinking?!?! I had to tell him! Well, I randomly checked my phone and saw that I had a missed call from my doctor's office. I called back and the lady told me that there was a cancellation and wanted to know if I would like to move my surgery up to June 27. WOW! This was definitely the Lord telling me that I shouldn't be in Memphis. I went ahead and changed the date of my surgery and now all I had to do was tell the guy that I wasn't coming. This was the perfect opportunity for me to tell him that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I was able to tell him of how the Lord answered my prayers. I was able to let him know that I was so glad that my surgery was moved up because without this divine intervention, I wouldn't have had the strength to say no to going to Memphis. The Lord is so good and now I am at a place in my life where I am at peace at being single. I for so long I have struggled with getting my acceptance from guys. I want to be loved and I want to have somebody that cares for me. I now see that I have that. I always have. The Lord loves me as his own child and he will never leave my side. He loves me more than anybody ever could. He is the one that can and will fulfill my needs. I would love to say that I have it completely together, but the truth is, I still do struggle. I know that I am going to continue to struggle with this, but thankfully, the Lord has taken my burden and is carrying me through my daily struggles.