I John 3:16

I John 3:16 "This is how we know what love is, that He laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for others."

I know I haven't written on here in a while-(well a week, but for me that is a while) but I have been learning so much! In talking to my friend tonight, I was shown so much. One thing that really stuck out is something that I have known, but not really known. Apart from Christ, there is no real love. I know that this may seem absurd, but it is the truth. For the past month or so the Lord has really been laying it on my heart to apologize to Matt, my ex-boyfriend. I have been wanting to apologize for not loving him. For three and a half years I claimed to be his best friend and to love him. My friend didn't come out and say that apart from Christ there is no love, but that is what the Lord showed me through our conversation. I had to call Matt tonight and tell him how sorry I am. I mean, three and a half years! That is a long time to tell somebody, and yourself, that you love them. When I told him how sorry I was, he was telling me that he forgives me and it's okay and that he still loves me as a person. It hit me so hard when he said that. I had to explain to him, even though it was so hard to say, but i never really loved him; I couldn't have. We didn't have a Christ-centered relationship and to be without Christ is to be without love. It all makes so much sense to me now, but I couldn't see that before. Another thing that the Lord showed me through my conversation with Matt was that apart from the Lord, I can easily do it again. It terrifies me to think that I could go and hurt somebody else the same way I hurt him. He started telling me that I couldn't do that again because I always care about other people before myself. Well, little does he know (I don't see how he doesn't know this) but I am so self-centered. I can very easily do this all over again. If I take my eyes off of the Lord, I could do it again and maybe even worse! It's by the grace of God that I am able to refrain from sinning as much as I could be, and without Him, I am just as capable as doing something horrific as any other person in this world. I was more than able to do it to Matt, and I see now that I did it because I wasn't seeking the Lord first. I wasn't centering my life around Him and I was selfish and hurt him in a way that I never thought that I could.

I really needed this little lesson tonight. I was talking to a friend about wanting to be pursued by a guy that I like. Yea, I want to be pursued by him, especially since I know that he likes me, but if he isn't ready spiritually to pursue somebody, then I shouldn't want to be pursued by him. I should be at peace and be overjoyed that the Lord is telling him not to pursue me because that means that he is centering his life around Christ. If he can't do that, then I shouldn't want to be with him, and the same goes the other way too. If I am not centering my life around Christ, Lord willing, I will have the knowledge to stay away from a relationship because then I won't be loving that other person. Friends are great. It is such a blessing to have so many brothers and sisters in Christ to help us keep our eyes on the Lord. We should only put our hope in Him because everything else in life will fail miserably.